hello. i'm stressing now. no idea why. its the first day of school. i'm in the com lab doing art now. rather suppose to be doing art. i jsut feel so stressed. paying attention to evrything. making sure its right. i have no idea whats wrong with me.

might have to do with church ytd. i mean i went in feeling energized after the camp right, then well, i died. we had combined d.o.c service. the boys and the girls in the TNT room. anyway the thing was just bad bad bad. i kept quiet, fumbled abt and wrote on my skirt saying that i shouldnt have come. i didnt do anything really. i felt so out of place. then i remembered why i wasnt a frequent church go-er at first. cause of the awkwardness. which is really strange because i have been there half my life. so i sort of changed my tune after camp and said, hey, i want to go to church. then i'm snapped back to reality and
well, i know why i dont want to go to church anymore. evrybody knows everybody. i know them but not well enough. its like the first day of school over and over. maybbe i should stick to adult service then my friends will ask me to join them and know somethings up. then Pastor Ben had to go that d.o.c was only till 14 years old, then we have to proceed to TNT.


"i cant even survive d.o.c, how am i supposed to survive TNT!?"


most of my friends are 1 year older. but its ok because we've been friends for 5 or 6 years. so there isnt much difference. y'know what? dont think abt it. Sundays still a long way away.

k, so i'll talk abt today. first day, didnt do morning rush hour duty. did recess duty. er, thats abt it so far. oh yea, later we have the swimming course. *blows the hair out of my face* at least i've got my friends with me:) hee. hopefully i wont die of embarrassment because of i dont know what. or maybbe i'd kill myself in the pool. then they'll have an excuse to change the venue. (heard its not that great of a place) alright. i rally feel like killing myself now. super stressed out. too uncomftable. acting weird. yep, probably pmssy.

michelle get a grip on yourself and be happy. ok. whew happy. dont crack. ok better look for something on art before Miss Ong comes. blog later:)

Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

hello everyone. its a wednesday. havent finished all my work yet. hmm. its 1237 AM. i'm typing here again like i usually do in the wee hours of the morning. yep, hee. k so i actually wrote a post 3 days ago when i came back from msia but i saved it cause my com crashed so well, here it is. take it as it was written on sunday.

::Sunday post::

hey guys:) back from msia. have to make this a quick one my mums rushing me for a shower. hee. k so i had a great time at the church camp. full of spirit and everything. i love my church now. i'm not usually a frequent go-er cause i usually cant wake up or just am too lazy, heh, but not anymore i think. i mean, theres just something about it now. i had great fun during camp. i learnt how to bowl, properly. got a score of 44 points. k so its not a good score but its the best i've ever done. i couldnt go swimming. my parents havent allowed me to swim since i was 9 because i never went thru the proper training and dont have a certificate. so today in the car they were going on abt what a good thing tk is having the swimming course. yep, stayed up late, ordered room service, had the most fun.

then we drove down to Ipoh, where i stuffed my face again. i put on weight. so fat. then i went to get a haircut from a gay guy called Jeff. ok, hes not gay but acts like it. the word is.. er, bisexual i think. yep. now its so short if i tie it its just a lump. my dad wanted something shorter but i didnt agree. this is too short already. my mum didnt do anything to her hair just watched as my auntie and grandma did their hair. it was kinda a fun experience because i got my hair washed professionally for the first time and i kept on laughing and laughing. the thing took so long. wash, dry, thin, cut, wash, dry, put some white treatment on my hair, sit under this heater, wash, dry, check, style, and wax. it was all kinda unnecessary but oh well it was how Jeff did it. i usually only cut my hair and cry afterwards and wake up the next morning telling myself its ok and i dont look like a poodle. but this time i didnt cry. not saying it was very nice. i mean Jeff is a great hair guy but well, it wasnt me for a while. its now almost till my shoulder and banging upwards into that 50s flip. hee. think it makes me look fatter. michelle why cant you just stop eating.

the next day my auntie and i went to Jusco, the mall there, and walked around. she bought two bottles of nail polish and i bought a book from MPH. then we sat down and ate some Baskin 31 Robins ice cream. y'know whenever i eat i just want to kick myself. michelle eats too much thats why shes so fat. my bro says so too. he always goes on abt how fat i am with budging cheeks and flabby arms cause hes so buffed up if he turns sideways you almost cant see him. ok i'm exaggerating but hes a sports man! he exercises. i dont. i try but then i dont. i'm not a sporty person. then my mums saying that too but she doesnt put it across so roughly. she just say i should lose weight, eat less fatty things and exercise. and my mum used to be this all rounded sports woman who played softball, badminton, table tennis, track, hockey and cycled in my grandfathers yard and climbed up his fruit trees to pick fruits and she was a Singapore girl in the stewardesses uni which she let me try on and i couldnt fit into because i am way too fat. and my dad. my dad doesnt say anything much but he just goes "michelle, if you eat so much you'll grow fat." and he was an ACS boy. with the football, badminton, tennis, table tennis, swimming and all that. k so one way or another my family has the sports genes which i didnt get. i'm just this fat, fat, ugly, plump girl who tries to lose weight but never does it. ah...

k! stop myself. the next day, ytd, we went to Makro where we stocked up on supplies and food. theres that feeling again. that feeling that i want to kick myself. why must i eat so much and be so fat. i try to lose weight but i cant. i try not eating so much but it doesnt work either. i'm a hopeless fat case. okok, i'll stop my rambling on. oh yea! i saw my baby cousin. hes 3 now. i made the mistake that he was 4, hee. but hes this cute little skinny boy with red lips and fair skin. hes the most adorable thing i've seen ever. ok so maybbe because hes my cousin but hes very cute. i kept telling my grandma in canotnese that he was very cute. i've used that phrase alot havent i? very cute. hee okok, lame. we brouhgt him a dozen of my old tees(i used to dress like a guy last time so had loads of boyish tees)and a couple new ones that we bought for him last year. hes a cute (i'm sayin it again) but nauhgty boy. he goes to nursery school. hes one year early but he said he wanted to go to school so they sent him. you know sometimes when hes angry he would scold the f word and say stupid and the f word plus er. he learnt it from school. and its a nursery school. 4 year olds are there! they're 4 years old and they're swearing. i mean if he learnt it when hes older like primary 5 or 6 it should be ok but i was just so surprising that a 3 year old boy is swearing. he doesnt know what it means but just uses it when hes angry so my mum and dad tried to discipline him cause my uncle and aunt couldnt stop him from saying the word. my mum tried asking him what it meant once. so funny. he was dumbfounded for a while and just looked blur and walked away.

ok have to stop. my bro wants to use the com. wow, this turned out quite long didnt it. all in a rush. i have to do that maths paper tmr which is just there, on my table, staring at me. so i have to catch up on my work and lose weight. or at least just try to.

hmm, have a very happy holiday everyone:)

Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

well thats abt it. my life these days are very, er, simple. (issit an "are" or "is", i'm not sure) nothing to do. laze around. watch programme after programme on television. snack on food. you know what would be nice? i just read this book that i bought. its very interesting. full of adventure. so i thought, wouldnt it be so cool to be in an adventure? i mean its better than watching it or reading abt it right? wouldnt it just be nice to be in something instead of reading abt it. well you watch movies abt adventures. like, ah, Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Indiana Jones. they're all full of action and adventure. ok, i know they'e called movies and are not real but wouldnt it just be so fun to be in a situation like that? but then again, i'm not say the very adventurous type. i'm a stay home and decay of boredom type of girl. y'know what? i'm gonna find me some adventure. what to do in a small town like this i have no idea. maybbe take the MRT around Singapore. jump on every bus to dunno where, alight and take another bus. okok, thats all crazy but there couldnt possibly be any adventure in Singapore. for ex, Singapore Idol. thats a form of adventure. you're doing something new that you've never done before and just might have the luck to win it. i think the definition of adventure is something that you've never done before and it gives you some sort of dynamic power to want to do it more. for some strange reason i tend to take to bad situations as some sort of adventure. like the East Coast Park incident. i mean it was kinda exciting in a way. no offence to the victims. i seem to find some sort of excitement in problems. when something goes wrong, i'm usually more pumped than when thing go well. i am one wierd girl. but anyway, i guess i'll just read more adventure books and pretend i'm in it. its safer than doing anything else really.

hmm, so enjoy whats left of the hols everyone:) just 4 days left. well then er, cant wait till September. live for the holidays!

Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

hello. so todays the last day before i go on my road trip. so i'll recount on the recent weeks events. er, i'll go calendar format.

::Monday::
i stayed back at home. didn't go anywhere. spent my time lazing around and eating and eating. which btw, explains why i'm so fat right now. stop eating michelle!

::Tuesday::
today i went to watch Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen by myself. it was overall ok but i had a little trouble at first. i couldn't get Sarah or Eunice or Gladys so i went by myself. i came at about 1115 am and the show started at 1120 but it was ok because it was early and there was no queue. then the uncle asked me to go to the second floor so i went and sat down in the theatre. sipping my vanilla coke and watching all the trailers when i realised i had accidentally walked into the The Day After Tomorrow theatre and Coatdq had already started so silly me, left the place. went downstairs to talk to the ticket people and the uncle asked me to line up to talk to the counter people so i queued up. the queue was way long then and i traded my ticket for the later show. i still keep that ticket. its in my wallet with all the receipts i always seem to save.

::Wednesday::
i spent half of the day at Eunice's. we wanted to watched LOTR but the disc had a problem with the sound so we ended up playing Sims instead. hee, had fun playing with the Duff family. was fun, i went home and stuffed myself again.

::Thursday::
i had the pop training thing. ah... it was at East COast park. i got wet. we all got wet. but it was fun. we had an Amazing Race thing. where we had to go to different stations and all. and the twist of the events was at the third station, 4 bags got stolen. we spent the rest of the time asking aorund and looking for suspicious characters. imagine that. a theft case. so i witnessed the four girls calling the police to report the incident. you guys had better be careful at East Coast park. they had to go to a police post so i stayed till 630 there. then my dad came and i told him about the bag thing. you know its like those things where you always hear about but never experienced it? but overall the whole thing was fun - except for the last part. nono, not that.

::Friday::
today. i reached school at 9 in the morning to get ready for the prefects training. and we stayed in school for 5 hours not doing anything yet. i was baby sitting the water baloons they made for the games. so i was alone and started smsing people. hee. but anyway after that the prefects were 1 hours late. most of the people were pissed cause eveyrthing was super late. and they were giving such a hard time. playing. not listening. and everyone was mubling and mumbling i tried my best to keep that smile going on. k, i mumbled too but i didnt know that it was all a test! they staged the thing to see how we would reat in such circumstances and we got kinda of a dressing down. everything ended so late. 630 plus. then they said they'll give us a present. and soaked us with water balloons. hee. i mean after i found out they were just testing us everything was ok. but before that i was seriously thinking " hmm, those are tkg's prefects." but well, everything cleared up now and the weather is fine:)

so thats it so far. tomorrow i'm going to malaysia for my church camp then to Ipoh. i can see myself putting on so much weight. i dunno if i'll be able to blog. maybbe. but anyways, wish you guys a very enjoyable holiday:)

Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

hey i got my braces! yep, after the long wait of about 4 months i 've got them. its now 3 days into wearing braces. its quite a hassle to clean but so far its going ok. i got a free toothbrush from the dentist. hee.

i havent been doing anything but lazing around watching shows. i sleep at, well, as late as i can handle then wake up at about 11 plus. oh yea, on friday i went back to school to collect my results. i failed maths. i kept trying to stress the fact that i missed the spring test but my mum just went on lecturing me. i think i kinda deserved it. but anyway, at school we were talking about Harry Potter and i was going on about how pretty Emma Watson was and Lorraine was really funny. she threw down her bag when she found out that Tom Felton gave Emma her first kiss. after that we went to Parkway. Lorraine, Julia, Kimmi, Ws and i. we walked for a while then hit macdonalds and i bought a cone and ate it with a spoon cause i wasnt used to my braces yet so i could eat hard food.

yesterday i went to The Edge aka Lynettes church. Evonne and Fiona was there too. i found everything just so scary. i guess because my church was a little more traditional and the worship was held by adults so it was mostly hymms. wow, over there the whole place was so full of energy. i came home at around 830. i stayed up till 2 plus so i couldn't wake up for todays church. when i woke up i saw half or a little less of the KCA awards. then i lazed around and did my english homework.

Harry Potters on now. my dad warned me again not to watch. i felt like sneaking some peeks but ah, i guess i'll just listen to him. so i'm here blogging. i've tried to call Eunice and Sarah these past few days. but i get no answer. maybbe they're out of town. i don't think so for Eunice, she had an entry in yesterday. hmm, well, if you guys are reading give me a call ok? oh hey my bro just came in. he got accepted into a uni in London for Law. he just told me that he has to leave NS 8 months early to go study. so i guess when my dad retires he'd have to support me. he was talking to me yesterday about my "future". you know like that time in kindergarden when the teacher asks you what you want to be and you really dont know what you want to be so you make something up like you want to be a doctor. yea something like that. but i was really watching tv most of the time and wasnt really listening. hee. but i guess i'm just 13, maybbe its a tad too early to be thinking of what you want to do with your life. maybbe i'll get what i want to do in a dream. like a message from the future. but for now i think i'll leave that question at the backseat.

RUNNING MESSAGE:: where are you Sarah and Eunice?

have a great holiday everyone:)

Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

hey. its 1223 am in the morning and i'm up. i just couldnt get back to sleep after watching the wedding planner. i know i know. some say its just like my best friend's wedding but it was so nice. so romantic. i dunno i 'm just a sucker for any show that has to do with a lady in a beautiful white gown and a bouquet of flowers in her hand. crazy. its just so romantic the way a wedding is. yet at the same time its so sacred. its the one time when you dress all in white and people dont say you look like you're in PAP. hee. okok. the way people are always jittery before their weddings wondering if they are making the right decision or not. i always see that in shows. maybbe because its a life long commitment they have to make. i suppose.

i've only been to one wedding before, in my entire life. and that was my aunties way back about 5 years ago. it was held back in Ipoh and i wasnt really much of a girly girl at the time. i used to dislike barbie dolls. i would hate pink or red. i never wanted to be in a skirt or a dress. i would be dressed up in shorts a tee and a checked shirt over it, like a boy would. only that i had long hair. ha, i remember my mum said that everything about me was like a boys, except my hair. so i remember i had to put on this dress for the tea reception and the dinner. wasnt too big on that. but then my aunty asked me to be her flower girl. i said no, at the time. i just didnt feel like the flower girl type. until i went to her wedding rehersal and i saw the church i saw the other flower girls, my uncle (at the time uncle-to-be) and everything i told my mum i wanted to be the flower girl. she was surprised, i was surprised. i guess that was a turning point in my life. so my aunty hurried and found me a dress, embarrassingly it wasnt the same as the other girls. theirs was pink mine was white. i had to borrow it from someone (i dont know who) but i wore it. i walked down with a bouquet and smiled like crazy. i love weddings, dont you? now they have a very energetic young son who's 4 years old. ah miss him.

i'm running through my life story so bear with me here:)i'm very long winded and really boring. hmm. i also remember that time during assembly when Lynette turned to me, Evonne in the middle of us, and asked me if i wanted to get married. i said yea, i know i know. a girl at 13 thinking about getting married. crazy, silly girl. but Lynette said she wanted to get married too. i think Evonne was a little wierded out. then i asked her if she wanted to have kids and she said yes, 2 girls. i said a boy and a girl. i was about to go on to names but she said she didnt think that far ahead. ah...michelle. anyway so every girl has fantasies about getting married just that i'm thinking about it way too early than i should. is there something worng with me? nono, i think its just too much tele. influence from the media. with shows like the wedding planner playing what else are we suppoed to be thinking of right? yep.

k, so onto another thing. you know how Harry Potter 3's coming out right? well, i'm not allowed to watch it because my parents dont allow but thats the strange thing. somehow, someway, ok i'll put it like this. er, i think Daniel Radcliffe is kind of well, good looking and i think i have the age old crush on a celebrity kind of thing. yep, as i said before. crazy me. the strange thing is that i've never seen the movies or read the books before. so how could i posibly be.. whats the word.. infatuated with this character. maybbe if i were a Harry Potter fan yes but for someone who really isnt exposed to Harry Potter. well i guess its not that big of a deal. the whole thing will just blow off. ah...michelle. again. why do you always type such things in your blog.

i watched another programme on the tele today. Body Beautiful. its a show that runs through how Sheik Heikel (not sure of the spelling) tries to lost weight and Daniel Ong be more muscular. they gave lots of information on how to lose weight. i need that programme i'm getting way too fat. too bad its on only once a week. im constantly stuffing myself with useless carbos and empty calories all day. you know what? i'll cut that down. wont eat that anymore. yep, the no carbo diet just protein. theres a name for that diet i just forgot. er, it starts with an A i think. oh well, thats what i'm going to do. gosh its been half an hour. i hope the post doesnt get deleted if my internet fails. oh yea, i went to orchard with Eunice and Sa on Monday. did i post that already? i dunno i'm getting blur. but anyways i cant believe i spent 30 something on a hat from taka. its a very nice hat tho. my mum said so too. but 30 something dollars. i really need to curb my spending. ok its going to be 1. have to sleep now. have a great holiday everyone:)

Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

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