Its been 2 years, and i've finally decided to blog in this place again.

Now, on December 31st 2010 before i head into my 20th year of life - i am no doubt feeling slightly emo.

Emo not because of i'm "reflecting" over the past year and how things have changed.

Emo more because, of how my profile to the right says "16", and now, "19", nothing has changed.

No no, of course i've changed. I grew for one! I've become more opinionated. More interested in make up. More interested in korean dramas (if possible).

But at the same time how things haven't changed. My relationship status. My mole. My jokes. My wonderful friends.

Sitting down at starbucks with my secondary school girls yesterday spiralled into a heart to heart session. Sharing our thoughts on our parents, our pasts, our present, and our futures. Is it wrong to have dreams? Are we idealists? If following your dream is impractical, then practical people must lead pretty sad lives.

As the new year approaches. I realise how much i don't want to grow old. Not in a (totally) vain sense. More like, i don't want to settle into a dull adult like routine.

Not saying my life now isn't dull, or routine like. That hasn't changed either.

But i don't know. I want to have fun. I want to find that thing, that when i do, makes me feel free happy. I believe it exists. I know its irritating to read emo posts (though heck, i'm probably the only one reading it). But then again i have to stop this habit of always justifying my actions.

Do you do this? Where you feel you need to provide a reason for feeling or acting a certain way? I always feel like i have to justify why i'm feeling moody.

Why are you sad?
I feel like i'm not a fun person.

Something like that. Do i really think its because i'm not a fun person? Well, i know its around that area, but i can't pin point the cause of my emotions so specifically all the time. If anything, thats one of the reasons but not the entire one. If anything, the next reason probably would be "time of the month".

Looking at my profile, i'm thinking of just leaving it at 16 to mess with myself.

My lack of posting over the last 3 years was mainly due to my lack of ability to express myself over the internet. Like, fully, totally. I felt like whatever i was doing, by posting it online, would be like exposing myself to the world. It was never that i just "wasn't into blogging", i definitely still talked to myself in my head, it was just that somewhere along the line i became self concious. No, self aware.

I was aware that
1. people might chance upon my blog and read my innermost thoughts
2. people might judge me - some one they have never met or seen - over my innermost thoughts
3. people around me might be affected by reading my innermost thoughts, and i might get in trouble for them

Wait hold up you're totally thinking this is something serious right now. Like omg what has this girl done. Something illegal? Something dangerous? Stop right there.

I was just talking about school and having teachers read my blog. Awoooooooooooooooooh let down. Thats right guys, no juicy shit here.

Coming to the end of 2010, like the same melancholic end of my previous post at the end of 2008, i feel no need to take this as ending a chapter in my life. I want my life, to be continuous. Page to page.

But.. i think i'm still going to leave my age as 16 just for the heck of it. Because i'm aware that at 19 going on 20, my dreams are the same as when i was 16. Whether i admit it or not. Whether others respect it or not. This life i've lived where i've been so comfortable - maybe its time to switch things up a little. Be more of the person i want to be, and not that i am.

The only question is, how do i find this.. discomfort, that i'm searching for.

Michelle went "Hey macadamia" and no, this is not a signature. I type it everytime :)

Well, its safe to say christmas this year was as good as it could get, for me at least.

Meaning, it was nothing outstanding, extremely ordinary, packed with 1 or 2 activities (which were really fun i must say though) and i spent most of my time watching Japanese dramas on the internet.

Extremely festive.

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hahaha, its been a while since i've last posted! I'm not sure why i decided to come to my old abandoned blog today. Emo moment i bet.

I think i've been blinded and mislead by korean dramas.

Yes, so people have said that Disney has given them unrealistic expectations of love (i read this off somewhere i can't remember, i'm not pin pointing anyone). And i realised though Disney has done that to me, even more so since i'm doing Cinderella next year.. but sadly, and not as cooly, i've been more affected by my encounters of daily boredom filled with korean and japanese dramas.

I know. A lot less "cool" a lot more "cheena" right? But what to do!

Then again, not to mislead anybody, not that theres anyone reading. Ok fine, not to mislead MYSELF, i am not in love.

I've just been thinking. I think the reason why people like Korean and Japanese dramas so much, is not because of the sappy love story - ok it is, but its different. Its... ITS LIKE GREEK TRAGEDY. How do i say it!

When you watch, or read, or listen to a completely unrealistic story where love conquers all and people perpetually die of cancer, you don't enjoy it because you're happy that the main leads have gotten married and have a kid, you're happy because somewhere, deep inside you, it gave you that one little bit of hope that there really is such a thing called love.

And though many may disagree with me, those who do are the people who have never watched these shows in the first place. But to those who do.. sure the drama is exciting and the action is fwah fwah (i cannot think of a word to describe it lah), the love story will grip them by the heart.

I can't help but think i'm naive. Naive for allowing myself to be absorbed by someone elses love story because of the inability to have my own.

Again, not to mislead, myself. Michelle its not that you've lost love either. Not that i actually had a love to begin with.

But i think its a very pretty thing though. Because like no matter what, the prince and princess will end up together, or fine maybe one may die in the process, but still.

I guess there are many ways to show love. And although it is always more exciting to have someone chase after your bus or defy their parents in order to protext your love - thats not always the case.

Each person has their own way of showing it. Reluctantly, pridefully, or whole heartedly. No one will ever know except for that person itself. Because people are stupid. For like, 99.1247356591827% of their life.

Ahhhhhh what a beautiful night. Or morning, i can't decide hahaha.

What do you love Michelle Wong?

Do you love Drama? Do you love sewing? Do you love drawing?

What do you love Michelle Wong.

The things that you love the most are the things that make you hurt the most. Because they're the things that you put all your effort into.

Yes i love Drama. Yes i love sewing. Yes i love drawing. Yes, i love you.



You. Yes you there who's reading this. You! I'm not kidding!



Ok fine i admit that was a cheap trick :D But its true though!

Because if you took the time to read this, it shows that you actually care about my life. Even if it was just because you were waiting for a korean drama to load.

I need some one to start caring about my life. And no, gossip mongers, i don't mean romantically (not that i would mind it hahaha!)

I need to quit my browser and get back to reality.

I love you, Michelle Wong.

I love you too.



Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

I can't believe its already May.





Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

And here i thought i would never see him again.











HAHA I BET EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS REFERING TO MY NON-EXISTENT EXBOYFRIEND.

Well, my gossipy gossip mongers of friends whom i hope, still care enough to read my blog because i read yours!! I am infact, referring to a man who has made a significant impact in my life.

One, that has changed my life forever.

And brought my Chemistry grade up from an F9 to a B3 or A2. But lets just say its A2 because that sounds nicer.

Yes! Friends! I am talking about Patrick, the chemistry tutor!

The same guy who indirectly told me that i was stupid during the first lesson that i met him, the guy that tells me stories of old men painting lillies, the guy that comes up with theories for the proper way to learn. The great philosopher, my chemistry tutor, Mr. Patrick (i don't know his surname).

Now, a certain thought might slip into your head. Say, Michelle, why do you need a Chemistry tutor? You don't even take Chem! Oh hoho this reminds me of the time i lied to Liankim, Farhana, Vinesh and John that my cat died and i couldn't send them off to South Africa. They believed me. And i don't have a cat. Really, really, so so funny.

Anyway. Besides being a Chem tutor, Mr Patrick is apparently, also a Maths tutor.

Since i am currently drowing in the horror that is H2 Maths - i find it is necessary to find myself a tutor before i choke and die. Because, though i would very much like to do the whole "independent learning" thing now that i am in junior college, i.. just.. can't.

Ok, at least not for Maths. The other subjects i can handle. Hopefully. Ok i can. Ahhhh fine just give me some face and pretend to believe me.

The homework monster has come to eat me. I can no longer form coherent sentences. Thus, i must go, and go quickly. If not i shall face my ultimate doom.

But i guess its nice to know that through all the change, some things still stay the same.

Because i mean, that is what is going to help keep my feet planted firmly on the ground, right?




Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

I think i'm tired.

But there is so much work i promised myself i would finish.

Everytime i think about it, i can't help but have this recurring thought that i don't want a repeat of secondary school. I don't want to start out bad. I don't want to be stupid. No, really, i know it sounds like a wild claim, but i don't want to be stupid. Especially when i know i can do better because, you know, well i guess its just not very nice.

Though, for (if you would forgive me) the stupidest of reasons, i feel extremely stupid today. I've been feeling very stupid lately, and if i feel this way one more day i might have to kick something very very hard. Like a rock or a wall or something. But then i might hurt my foot so maybe not. Now that would be really stupid.

I'm going to sleep. So much for keeping my promise to stay up and finish my work haha. But do you know whats the strange thing? Amidst all of my lethargy, i'm having a really good year.

I'm having a really, really good year.

Now, if only i could figure out how to make it less stupid. If i'm lucky, it'll involve me in a spandex superhero costume and a bright shiny wand from Toy's R Us randomly running around my neighbourhood to save the day. Or, it could just be eating a big plate of pasta. Or 2 big plates of pasta. Or, gasps, 3!!!!!!!

I'm going to sleep now. Theres a lot of stuff to get in trouble for because i haven't done them, and damnit, i want to look good getting my scolding!

Haha, so goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight.


Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

I feel like i've got a hangover.

Not so much of a throbbing kind, more of those where the events of yesterday are stuck in your head and you don't really know what to do about them.

Its a blur. Many things happened and all almost at the same time. I had such an array of emotions its mad how they oscillated from one to another. Yes, i am aware of how emo i sound right now. Don't shoot me. With black eyeliner.

Thank you everyone, absolutely everyone, even though they wouldn't be reading this. You guys have no idea how grateful i am to have you in my life to support me and care for me. I'm really overwhelmed by everyones concern and all the love that was showered upon me yesterday. Its kind of tough, but i'll get through it. Especially with all you wonderful people by my side.

I will see you guys on Tuesday <3


Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

Theres something really nice about eating icecream on a rainy day.

I think the its just the icecream.




Michelle went "Hey macadamia" :)

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